Tell me if i’m alright

Am I ready to move on..

is there someone waiting 

is there a second chance 

is there still a hope for me

will i be hurting you

will I be hurt again

i’m hopeless to see the way through

it looks easy but it won’t be

i’m afraid to love again,

Look… Its all ended long ago..
Nothing can replace it

Suddenly i see someone who look like her

But… Its not the same…
Maybe what im feeling right now is just….the memory that i still have for that person

But its not the same
I should let it go, coz no one else will be replacing her

The more i keep reminding myself, it will kill me, now I’m sinking again,
Just forget and leave the door

She is not gonna be the one for me

I’m just gonna forget whoever i just met,

i’m confused…

What is this feeling now,

yet i don’t want it to be that,

The Fall ‘s getting start,

I realised i let myself out for too long,

but somehow, i don’t wanna get hurt again, 

I only plan to study here, to achieve my goal, i really don’t wanna fall in love, 

damn, what the hell am i saying -_-

I don’t task really care about you anymore, I care for no one

An empty heart, it once filled with love,

but, that was long ago,

now it afraid of getting hurt again, 

it insists to feel in love again, 

it got used to, the way it has been, 

shelling up myself is better going forward then hurt again,

where are you taking me to

it’s hurting, seeing myself with nothing with future

i ask myself “why am i still here”

where is it taking me to…

I feel lost, desperate,

i’m broken, yet i try to fix it,

the way i see the world is rather different from you,

i had hope, i was once ambitious, but the difficult part is the ending part of the chapter was not beautiful, it wasn’t fantasy,

I once again changed myself, forget who i was, started again, yet i fail,

where are you taking me to…

24/7

Hey, i’m 25 now..

getting old,

and like every years, no celebration, I kinda hate it somewhat

every years since that time, i was always wanted to be alone, coz..she was not there,

but now, i’m over it, i will be starting my new life soon, and this chapter will be one of my memory, it will take long to become worthy, times will tell me when it is,

The next chapter of me

I made it.

today is one of the best day in my life,

I never feel this happy for a long time,

it was miracle for me, i feel it,

I got to study music in the coming September,

I’m gonna do my best to achieve my goal, 

it was crazy when it started, but now… at least I made some steps, 

I hope i can really finish my old song, I hope one day, it will become a known song to people, it does not have to be famous, but I just want people to hear it, 

after all, i realise I did not want to become a singer, 

i’m gonna be a song writer :)

I don’t wanna grow up

I don’t wanna grow up,

being changed,

see the difference

facing people,

struggle…

hurt someone and being hurt

knowing sorrowfulness then regrets

knowing the dream is not true,

knowing one day, I won’t be anything,

I still have a dream of her,

it never get out of my head,

though I never mention it to anyone anymore, 

coz that’s the pathetic of me,

I always face the failures..nothing comes right,

and i’m still a dreamer, yet a loser…

sometime…i just want to die so bad

i just want to stab up myself and end this hopeless life

i just want to end the pain, the frustration of living, 

at that point, i just want to jump out to the window, it will take a few second before i die

sometime i got so much anger, that it just boils my blood up to the limit,

i just to smash everything i got, i want to scream out, i want to throw things i got, i want to destroy things around me,

but in the reality, i could only imagine it, then stop… and continue suffering..

My memory

How am i?
Not that often i visit this page,
Im just here when there is a thing that i cant tell anyone,

How i feel lately?
Hmm…. Boredom life, i already kinda give up everything..

Some people hurt me,
Some look me in the other ways
Thats what happened to me

Who care right, im just me
When someone really hurt me.. It hurt that i cant express into words , but what i do is just stay away from that person, and eventually i got nothing anymore to talk to the person, and eventually i left them live their ways, coz i dont want rely on people anymore..

I.. isolate myself, so.. Nobody can hurt me, i will look strong, and no one will know what inside of me.

I always looks at things in a negative way, people think im such a narrow minded, and yes i know i am

Im not the only person who is suffering, and im not the worst one, but i look at my life as shit..

I know.. Coz i expected too much with living.. , always a dreamer, then there was hope.., but that all it ever been, nothing come true,

Im not crying anymore about that person, i think im ok.., but i still dont know how do i start this over again„
I cant go back…
I just have to fix myself„
But im not open to people
Or i just dont want to accept love anymore
It always hurting me since i ever find it
I now become afraid of it,
Coz i know it will hurt me again

it was meant to be

We always meant to lose someone,

it ‘s meant to be fate,

it’s meant to be for a reason,

already said it,

already changed,

already moved on,

after all this, i will change,

I will not stuck of what it was meant to be any longer

To you, long ago

Hey Jieun

It’s me Trin, I just want to tell you something, something that was left unsaid long ago, something that I did not have a chance to tell you in person, 
maybe I have been telling myself the thing that i was supposed to tell you over and over again. 
I’m still living with the past, I found myself never move on, and I finally realise that maybe it’s because I didn’t tell you this before you left
when we were in F3, we were very friendly, I really felt happy to be your friend, I like you as a friend because in my mind, i thought you would never like me, you were very cute and i see myself as the ugly one :P , and at the time, i was crazy about someone else who i just met, but we were never been into relationship, 
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I remember you ask me to call you to wake you to Saturday class, you know, at the time, I didn’t really think that you crushed on me, 
I start to realize that you liked me when Angela once told me, she asked me to promise not to bring it back. and I promised her that, but at the end, it was myself who messed up everything, I feel sorry for that,
at the time i know that from Angela, I can’t believe it, I feel surprised, I soon realise that you were always there for me,
after that, all you did was ignoring me, although i ‘ve try to be the person that we met in F3. but it was really too late, wasn’t it? :P
I feel guilty about breaking up your relationship between you and Angela, and yet the more i was trying, the more you hated me,
The day you hold me to get lunch together after Saturday class…, I did leave you, i still remember that, and i feel sorry for how blind i was to rejecting that.
you know Jieun, the day you ask me to come to class on Saturday and you ask me to promise you with a pinky finger,… i still remember that too, Nobody ever have done that to me before, i was so shy… and you too. I wish I could really go back to those day, i want to get that feeling again
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you know, you were really the first person that I ever bought a bracelet for. i’m a super shy person and i ‘ve never done anything like that for your B-day too.
I know i was trying hard that i ask other people to help me to get along with you, but it seems you were very annoyed by me doing that,
we used to say “bye” when we left the school where you were waiting the bus, but after all that, you no longer say bye when you left
I once saw you cry in the class, you were silence.. with tears and i…didn’t know why, was it because of me? , or I don’t know if you still remember it,
have I…been hurting you that much and you hated me that much.., how hard was it to let someone go and we move on?
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on the Prom day, you look so beautiful, and i was the one who look so terrible, i was totally ignored, 
i knew it was the last day that maybe i could have tell you how i feel, but i never really get to say,
you were so happy with your friends and have a great time, I left the dinner soon after it start. seeing you were so happy and i was so pathetic, it hurt me so bad, I left and keep walking around 4-5 hours until midnight to wherever the road took me to, it was one of the saddest day in my life, hehe, 
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sometime, it’s  funny to think ,
what if I never know that you liked me, I could just have been a friend with you, then we eventually will become stranger at the time we left school, 
i could have been the one who hurt you, then i would never feel anything with regret for letting you go, instead… in the end, I’m the one to blamed
i could have been another person than who i am today, or maybe this is just what it meant to be, 
there was a time, i deeply know that you liked me, but i told myself that i can’t do that, because at that time, i have a feeling for other person, that must have hurt you too…
I don’t know how long it has been since you left here, but I was not change since then. I think you are the person who bring me back to who I should be.
i still keep your B-day photo in my wallet until today, 
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i don’t know why i have fallen for you so much until now, maybe it was because you were the first person that actually liked me and i’ve never realise that before, how long has it been, 7 years?, i ‘ve tried to forget, and i truly know that you and I can’t really be, i always have stupid thoughts, thinking that maybe i could meet you again someday, but i know, it will never be, 
I wish i know how you felt or any words you could have told me,
people always moving on, find the next chapter of their life when they get older, I always keep this to myself, when i think of it, sometime i tears up, thinking why i’m so pathetic. why I refuse to move on, I always have a thought of you everyday, then regretting that I was not able to realised that once you liked me, 
i try to get over it, find some hobbys to do, like photography & aquarium, it helps me to forget many things in life, then it take a while to realise that I’m just here with myself, i’m still a nobody,
i also want to get a cat, so i don’t feel as much as lonely it taking me into, i’m super lame, am i? :/ i want the cat to be just like yours~~ XP
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i’m just telling you, it’s the first and last time that i will ever tell you this, since it was left untold from the past, it won’t change anything, but i need you to know, maybe after this confession, i will be able to move on, i don’t need to remind myself of what i could have told you long ago.
at the time you read this, it may be a kinda trash or nonsense memory now, all i want to do, is to tell you how i feel, and something that I had never tell you, it’s ok if you don’t consider me as a friend or anything anymore, you already moving on, 
Trin
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Departure

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it’s always sad, seeing someone gone without a word, 

it was long ago, and I..still happen to live in that world

I still not forget, and its always there,

always…